A day at the Virginia State Fair

An account of the day mysteriously missing from my macro tracker...

aka a day at the Virginia State Fair! 

Matt is a self-professed Big State Fair Guy™️, so there was no way the Virginia State Fair was going to come and go without a visit. Yesterday, we braved the rain to see this year's crop of giant pumpkins, watch some pig racing, and—of course—eat our weight in fried things!

My personal goal was to eat as many pretzels and pickles as possible, and I started off strong with a garlic parmesan pretzel dipped in melted white cheddar. I give this pretzel a 7/10 — it was very yummy, but I wish it was crisper. To be fair! The rain was unrelenting and could've been the reason for the pretzel becoming overly soft. 

At the same stand, Matt got a jalapeño cheddar bratwurst inside a pretzel on a stick. They give it a 7/10—"I liked that it had cheese inside, and the pretzel was good, and it was on a stick! All fair food should be on a stick." When I asked him why only 7/10, they said, "well, it wasn't life-changing." Ok critique. 

We visited all of the blue ribbon winners inside the arts & crafts pavilion, admiring quilts, knitting projects, photographs, embroideries, tapestries, pies, cakes, cookies, and biscuits. There were plenty of vendor stalls, too, but I was bummed that most of them were drop shippers selling random crap and/or AI slop. I was hoping for some local homemade jams, artisanal jewelry, or clothing you can't find in a Talbots catalog from 2006. Ah, well. Matt did find a Lego set he's wanted for a long time!

I'd had the pretzel, now it was time for the pickle! We picked up a tray of fried pickles and another plate of fried cheese curds. I give the pickles 6/10. They were yummy! But they had a...lasting aftertaste, and I wish the breading was more seasoned. The cheese curds were a solid 7/10—some good cheese pulls, but the batter was giving corndog. (TBH, the Cookout curds are my standard.) I also think there were too many of both. 

Matt gives both of them a 5/10. Turns out, he's a notoriously harsh grader.

Then, it was time for my favorite fair event—pig racing! I had no idea this was a grand tradition until we encountered it at the Chesterfield County Fair a few months ago when I became an ardent fan. I don't even know why I find it so enchanting, but cheering for three heats of trotting pigs is one of the best ways I've found to perk up a slow day.

There was some last minute excitement in heat 3, when the big ol' pot bellies go for their "run". Pig #4, apparently, doesn't like rain and thus hit the gas immediately. It was SO CLEAR he was going to win....until literally SIX INCHES from the finish line, he decided he was done and literally sat down. You would've thought we were witnessing a crash in the final lap at Indianapolis, it was that exciting. (Okay, maybe that was just me.)

(Pig #3 won, for the record.) 

It's corn! Someone walked by me absolutely chowing down on a monster ear of corn and it activated me as if I were a truffle hunting pig that caught whiff of a fresh bianchetto. I decided to go super simple with the toppings to allow the corn to shine—only butter, salt, and happiness. 10/10. I could've eaten three of these probably, if I wasn't saving room for more fried things.

From the corn to the big pumpkins, baby! This year, the blue ribbon ginormo pumpkin was only (only!) 490 pounds. For context: the largest pumpkin last year was 1,900 pounds. Not sure what happened this year to curtail the growing process, but there's something rather giddying about encountering such large vegetables. It reminded me of being a kid and pretending I was a giant (or the elusive goddess of discord, Eris, from Sinbad, definitely the cause of some childhood awakenings...I digress) every time I ate broccoli (little trees). 

Next to the giant vegetables and master gardeners handing out seed packets, we found the baby animals! I was entirely too busy awwing to take any pictures of the ducklings, twelve-hour-old chicks, and bunnies, but damn if I didn't almost bring home 3 baby ducks for $30. 

Annnnnd, we had to capitalize on the sweetness of the baby animals with our first sweet treat of the day! 

Word to the wise: if you ever find yourself a little cold and stuck in the rain all day, try housing a large fried apple dumpling covered in ice cream and cinnamon & caramel sauce. Speaking from experience, there is nothing that will make you feel more alive. This was an 8.5/10 — dare I say the caramel sauce was too....caramel-y? (Incidentally, my diamonds are too shiny and my rolls are too buttery.) Even Matt gives this one an 8/10! "I could eat seven of these." 

After my soul was revived by the apple dumpling, Matt and I joined the herd of families being shepherded under the big top for the fair's pirate-themed family circus show. Top hits:

• Husband & wife (or brother & sister?) acrobats clambered onto a 5' round banquet table for an insane rollerskating act where she was the base for him to be the death-defying flyer. At one point, she held him by his ankles and spun him around like the Barbie Fairy Princess doll I used to have. In another part of the act, they looped a black scarf around both of their necks and he twirled in the air FROM JUST HIS NECK as she spun even faster than before. How do you even work through figuring out the physics behind the mechanics of a trick like that?! 
• The grandfather/great-uncle clown of the circus clambered up the lighting rig and rode a unicycle across the tightrope line blindfolded. Very unexpected from the man who thus far had made exclusively fart jokes.
• The ringmaster (obviously the main dad of the group) had one of his young daughters dressed like a vintage clown and pretended to be a doll. As in, he literally unfolded her from the treasure chest and dragged her around stage, threw her over his shoulder, and contorted her around like a little puppet. It was oddly transfixing! 

After the circus, we made our way across the fair to check out the blacksmithing competition and our path took us directly past the chocolate-dipped cheesecake on a stick. What were we going to do, not stop and get one? I was very pleasantly surprised by this! The cheesecake was genuinely yummy, and the chocolate dip didn't taste artificial. I give this a 8/10, Matt gives it a 7.

We took a quick walk through the rodeo barns to meet some very well-dressed horses and then, as we warmed ourselves up by the ten blazing forges of the blacksmithing competition, Matt and I agreed we were nearly ready to boogie. (I know, I know, kinda lame of us to dip after only 6 hours in the pissing rain!) Of course, we couldn't leave until each finding our one remaining must-eat food item. 

For Matt, that was a turkey leg. Classic! They give this a 6/10. "Good flavor, the inside was juicy, which was better because turkey legs are usually giant and tough." (And...still just a 6? I do not understand his rating system.)

For me, this was a fried Twinkie. What better example of classic Americana fair food? And I've never had one before! I was genuinely nervous before biting into it, and I'm glad we saved it for last. It was so last, in fact, that we got it as we walked to the car and devoured it only after we'd shed our sopping wet jackets, hats, hoodies, and shoes, so I don't have a picture of it. But I honestly give it a 10/10. It was so good?? Twinkies must've been meant to be eaten that way. (I don't think I've ever had a non-fried Twinkie before, for the record) Matt gives the Twinkie an 8/10, and I'm done asking for justifications. 

Despite the rain, this day was a triumph! I've never been to a state fair before, but I'm already plotting how I could knit something to enter into next year's blue ribbon competition. That gives me nearly 12 whole months to figure out how to knit a pair of socks that actually look like a pair of socks!